How I Became Boring

by J. Brown

They say that a man that doesn't change is a man that doesn't mature. If this is true, then one could argue that change is a natural process of growing up. If we're to be honest, everyone reading this is probably much different than they were 10 years ago, and probably even different in some ways than they were five years ago. Change is normal. Change is good. Change should be embraced. I understand this idea, but still, I've come to a conclusion about my most recent behaviors that I've had a bit of a hard time embracing. 

I'm not as much fun as I used to be.

Now, this doesn't mean my life is boring... at least, not to me. But I have noticed that I've become more anti-social over the past year or so. A few years ago, my definition of a great night would probably include bar-hopping, loud music, shots and 3 a.m. pizza. Nowadays, I look forward to just sitting on my couch and watching shows on my Roku box for 4 or 5 hours. Honestly, I think that sounds awesome. 

That doesn't mean I never go out anymore, because I still do. But my excursions are much less consistent now, and every time I'm about to make plans, there's a little voice in my head that questions me. "Do you really want to be around people? Is the activity you're about to commit to going to be worth the money you'll have to spend? Are you really going to enjoy yourself, or are you just going to spend the whole time wishing you were at home watching Curb Your Enthusiasm reruns?" These are the questions, literally every single time.


There aren't many ways to say this without sounding pretentious, but at one time in my life, I was considered the "life of the party" type. People who went to college with me would likely attest to this. During my junior year, I became connected with a crew of guys who actually became friends because we were consistently the ones partying the hardest. You know the kids in college who know all the latest dances, the guys who are always in the middle of the dance circles? That was us. Now, for anyone who's met me in the past year or two, the idea of me as the center of attention at a dance party might seem laughable. Conversely, people who knew me in college probably can't imagine me sitting at home on a Friday night reading novels on my Nook. 

What happened to me?

I'm sure that some of my evolution is due to my old habits simply becoming blasé, a normal case of "been there, done that". I never wanted to be the 30-year-old who was still doing the same stuff I was doing at 21, so I imagine that in certain cases, my change is actually a good thing. I sometimes see pictures of people my age acting like college kids and I wonder, "Aren't they tired of that yet?" 

In addition to my newly jaded approach to the turn-up, another equally-important factor is my energy; I have none. I physically can't party as hard as I used to. I can't dance for hours like I once did, because frankly, I'm in terrible shape. My body has adjusted to having a regular adult bedtime now, so I can't stay out very late without becoming absolutely miserable. And when I drink too much, there is no simple bounce-back like there was when I was in college. Now, I'll be stuck with a hangover until 5 pm the next day, so my one night of drinking actually ends up occupying two days. 

In other words, I'm washed up.

But there's one more factor to this, and perhaps the one that is most concerning: I don't really care to hang out with other people all that much anymore. I finally moved into my own place this summer, and honestly, I have absolutely fallen in love with the solitude. I rarely have guests over, and I rarely feel the need to go see others, either. I was the guy that used to throw game nights and house parties at my place every other month, but the desire to do that has slowly dissipated.

I once had a girlfriend that referred to me as "a social butterfly". I was always in the mix, so to speak, and loved being anywhere that people were. In college and even for the years right after, I was very much a scene-seeker. Perhaps that's what makes this change so alarming, even to me; if anything, I find myself avoiding the places where a lot of people will be and opting instead for more unknown options. It's like I'm turning into the old man who yells at the neighbors to "stop making all that damn noise while I'm trying to listen to my records."

There's a certain peace that comes with being alone and idle. I alluded to this a bit in my last piece, but even being around others doesn't necessarily make me feel obligated to be sociable anymore. Maybe I don't have the energy to keep up like I used to. Maybe all of my interactions over the past 28 years have helped me realize that other people really aren't that interesting. Or maybe my interests have just changed. Most likely, it's a mixture of all three. But change is normal. Change is good. Change should be embraced. 

...Even if that does mean that I'm washed up.