by J. Brown
Life is all about rules. When you were growing up, there were rules at school. Then when you got home, your parents had their own rules, too. You dreamed of the day when you would be an adult and rid yourself of these pesky limitations. But alas, you grew up and realized that adulthood has even more rules than childhood. Rules like "Pay your bills", "Stop at red lights" and "Don't punch other humans in the face" are really what define our lives. Without rules, everything is mayhem. Unbeknownst to some, even the most menial tasks in our lives require rules. Going to the bathroom is one such task. I don't know the rules to the ladies' room, because I don't go in there. However, the following rules are those that should be applied in the men's bathroom. Take heed, or be judged accordingly.
1. The Buffer Urinal Rule
The urinal was designed to appease the lazy desires of men everywhere. It allows men to use the toilet without having to unbuckle or unbutton a thing. You just unzip, flip, whizz, and dip. The only issue with urinals is that they don't exactly allow for the same type of privacy that you would get in a stall. What you end up with is a room full of men pulling their manhood out of their pants and peeing at a wall. This can be awkward. To quell the discomfort, the Buffer Urinal Rule states that when another man has occupied a urinal, the urinal that you use must be at least two spaces away from him, creating a one-urinal buffer zone. If we're going to be standing in the same room holding our privates, we don't need to be standing right next to each other. Some smaller bathrooms only have two urinals; the second one is simply a decoration. If one is occupied, you go and pee in the stall. Another caveat to this rule is that when you're in a larger bathroom with 10 or more urinals, you should always choose the ones furthest away from the entrance. Don't force everyone who enters to walk right past you. Caring is not sharing.
